Greetings From Motor City

Note from the editors:

Good evening loyal readers. We here at Just A Bit Outside are committed to bringing you a quasi-semi-sort of balanced perspective on the world of sport (as of right now, at least…These things are fluid so stay tuned). We realized that our perspective was and is New York centric in the extreme. We feel you deserve better. Actually, what we really feel is that, as much as we love you NY, we want a national audience to absorb our brilliance (and then figure out a way to pay us). To that end, we would like to introduce you to the newset member of our team, Lowell.

Lowell is a Detroit guy and someone whose opinion we respect (and often heartily disagree with). Lowell’s status as an “A-Level” sports fan is also not in question. So, without further ado, meet the newest Outsider…

Where do I start? Wherever I want?…Sure.  I write to you from the epidemically overweight, record-settingly unemployed, long-suffering, frigid wintered, blistered summered, home of the most loyal and dedicated sports fans our earth has to offer [*dodges tomatoes hurled by Jamie and Max*].  Much like myself, this post has been Imported from Detroit.

 Before you discount my credibility or ability to entertain due to the land from which I hail, please follow me on a short tour of this land and all its sports wonders.  We can start with a walk through the empty factories, visit the avenues full of desolate homes, take a brisk jog down the oh-so safest of streets, or visit the ever-bustling unemployment lines.  I can show you THAT Detroit if you really want me too, but you hear all about that on the news, and in punchlines in laughably unfunny Jay Leno monologues (1).

Furthermore…I don’t actually LIVE in that dump of a city…I live in the suburbs (2),  I only head downtown for the big 3; restaurants, casinos, and stadiums…all of which, by the way…regardless of our economic or financial downturn…are always packed.  

Unlike LA and NYC, there are no transplants in Detroit.  If you are not a fan of the Lions, Tigers, Red Wings and Pistons, then you are fan of nothing (and thus not eligible to be reading this blog…go away!).  I grew up living and breathing not only these historic franchises, but also the heralded Wolverines and up-and-coming Spartans.  We know and love our sports in Detroit, whether our teams finish a record 0-16, or maintain the longest current playoff streak in all major sports. (4)  I was present for all (both) of the home playoff games the Lions have ever hosted.  I paraded with the millions of others during the 7 championships in my lifetime.  I cried when Chris Webber called the infamous time-out in 92’.  I was this guy’s biggest fan.  I idolized the greatest running-back who ever walked.  I bleed false hope at the commencement of each NFL season.  I attended Piston’s games at an empty Palace when they were lead by Jerry Brickhouse.  I sat behind the plate when the Tiger’s Kenny Rodgers dismantled the Yankees lineup in the 06’ ALDS [*dodges pineapples hurled by Jamie & Max*]. (5)  I am the quintessential Detroit sports fan.

Detroit is a blue-collar city that respects nothing more than the blue-collar athlete.  The BadBoys were, are, and ever shall be gods amongst men around these parts. (6) Ironically the Red Wings are notoriously soft, but when you’re that good…we grant the sole exception.  I can only hope that the readers of this blog also grant me a similar exception.  I am not a New Yorker, nor a fan of anything New York sport.  I do revere excellence, sports history…and dynasties.  All of these are apparent and present in the great city of New York, and to a lesser celebrated but equal level in Detroit.  I plan to bring a perspective unlike any other straight from the heart of Detroit to a New York blogosphere.  With west-coast cool, and east-coast tough, I pride myself a Detroit sports fan…and a pure fan of anything sport.

 Here we go…..  

(1) for someone who reveres the beauty in every automobile, that douche takes too many shots at my home.  F*ck him! F**kin Hack!  Also, I am a huge fan of the footnote…and yes I read The Book of Basketball…(3)

(2) since you asked, the suburbs really make up Detroit. There are under 1million people living in the city itself, and close to 3.5million in the burbs. (see here)

(3) there are thousands of footnotes in that book. so to pay hommage to the great Bill Simmons, I made a footnote to a footnote

(4) the Detroit Red Wings will enter their 20th straight playoffs this season.  This will tie their previous record which is 7th all-time in NHL history and longest current in all major sports.

(5) Remember that Yankee fans?  I came prepared with a complete list of Yankee’s wives and girlfriends….right down to Colter Bean…and reminded each of them that I had that list with me each swing in the on-deck circle

(6) thanks for taking Zeke NY fans, I’ll settle with Dumars in the office for now…we forever owe you for that one…and Allan Houston

-by Lowell Ahee II

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Greetings From Motor City

  1. Claire

    Another thing to add to the accomplishments of this “dump of city” (my mom would give you the WORST look for that comment… but facts are facts. Heyy-it could turn back around, right?) is a good writer or two. I know little if nothing of sports outside of Oakland Hills, aka golf and exhibitions of ‘the beautiful game’ constantly blaring in my living room- and this I’ll read… when do you post next???

  2. James Scoco

    Lowell
    Nice piece of writing. Good Luck to you. Your Mom sent me the addy for your blog. Are you still working at Ahee’s? Jim Scoco

  3. Ash

    Didn’t get a chance to comment before, but I love it. Still waiting on Lando post! Get on it!

  4. James Scoco

    Lowell
    I forgot to mention in my earlier comment that this piece reminded me of Mitch Albom’s writing. Good job!

  5. Vinnie

    Good job, why does’t it surprise me, keep it up

  6. Lamar

    Love it.. It’s about time someone says something nice about “Detroit”. Great job Lowell, keep it up..

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